A glimpse of light in life between the musts.
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I think about the concept of being rich enough for a comfortable life and what this entails. I go down into town for an outing. I have a book order and a coffee date. The bookshop is a restful place; it is a sci-fi-themed bookshop. Everyone is always kind here. The atmosphere is calm and inviting. Everyone loves dogs, which is a big plus when you have a puppy that can’t be left alone yet. I pick up my book order and peruse the notebook section for a bit. It is such a luxury to have time to feed the soul in the middle of the day on a Thursday. I sniff my book. Yes, I am one of those who crack open a new book to smell it first. My next read is going to be Alix. E. Harrow’s “Starling House.” It came out yesterday, and I wonder who all of the 1,200 people on Goodreads who have already managed to rate it are? Can I become one of those people? How? Before I leave the shop, I think, these are the glimpses of light in life between the musts, the anxiety-ridden wheel of stress, and the never-ending feelings of not adding up. Overwhelming and mental checkout is what my brain is feeling from the constant stream of information and decision-making that is required. I cannot process it. And there are so few bookshops left here where I live. I was surprised to see so many small independent bookshops still around when visiting London recently. Many people were in them, perusing contently, looking for their next adventure.
Returning to my original thought is… I have access to this community because I can pay for access. It is not only just having the means to buy the book, but having the clothes and the comfortable ease of a person who knows that spending a little will not affect me one way or another financially. I recently had a conversation about income versus self-esteem with my cousin, well, maybe not so much a conversation as a fight fueled by red wine. But a harmless fight where no one took any great offense. I think that the feeling of not being able to provide sufficiently for oneself or perhaps other loved ones naturally makes a person feel less about themselves. But I also believe that a person who can provide the necessities but not keep up with their social circle will feel the same way and that those feelings don’t necessarily go away even if a person is fortunate enough to have friends and family who prioritize them being a part of an activity rather than sharing costs equally.